Many of my clients seek therapy with me because they feel apathetic and disconnected from life. They’re questioning what they’ve accomplished and whether those achievements still provide meaning and a sense of fulfilment. Some clients look back on their lives to date with profound regret. They wonder where they would be had they made different choices in terms of their career or partner.

When it happens to people who are roughly between the ages of 40 and 60, this period of self-reflection and accompanying emotional turmoil is called a midlife crisis. But the concept of a midlife crisis is often poorly misunderstood. Here are some myths and the reality:

1. Midlife crises don’t just happen at midlife.

There is evidence that both men and women experience a decline in life satisfaction in their middle years, and one Australian study suggests that people in the 45-54 age bracket are the least satisfied with their lives.

However, the boundaries of midlife change as we get older. Many younger adults believe that midlife starts as early as 30, whereas adults 60 and over tend to view the start of midlife as around 40. Furthermore, in a study of people who have experienced a midlife crisis, the older the participant, the older they reported their midlife crisis to have occurred.

This suggests that a midlife crisis isn’t confined to midlife, and crises that do occur in midlife could have just as easily taken place before or after.

In fact, a surprising number of my clients who are experiencing the typical signs of a midlife crisis are under 30. It’s so common, it has its own name – a quarter-life crisis.

2. It’s not about the sports car.

In popular culture, someone having a midlife crisis is a man driving a sports car who’s divorced his wife for someone half his age and has taken up skydiving as a hobby. It’s the butt of endless jokes.

Like all stereotypes, it’s reductive and can be unhelpful.  It trivialises the very real underlying issues that men in midlife often grapple with: a reckoning with ageing, comparing their accomplishments against others, and loneliness. It also excludes women’s experiences of midlife crises.

And buying a sports car doesn’t always indicate a crisis point. In middle age, you’re more likely to be able to afford something expensive that you’ve always wanted. Similarly, ending a relationship that isn’t working anymore isn’t necessarily a sign of mental unwellness.

Which brings me to my final point:

3. A midlife crisis isn’t always a crisis, but an opportunity.

There’s nothing wrong with taking stock of your life and making changes to it. The key is what’s driving your examination. Consider the difference between the following questions:

Where did the time go?	What have I accomplished?
Where did my youth go?	What would I still like to do?
Why did I let myself get stuck in this life?	Am I living the way I want to?
How can I break free?	Did I achieve my dreams?

It’s the difference between regret and re-evaluation. One leads to recklessness. The other leads to thoughtful action. 

I hope this clears up some misconceptions of what a midlife crisis is all about. If what you’ve read resonates with you and you’d like some support with working through it, let’s talk.