As a child, were you given responsibilities for your siblings that were far beyond your years? Did you have to cook meals, sort out fights, and ensure homework was done? Did you feel like a ‘bonus’ parent?

Last year, Kati Morton, a therapist from the US, shared a TikTok video on ‘eldest daughter syndrome’. Morton describes this as an experience where eldest daughters handle adult-like domestic and emotional tasks, even though they are still children. As adults, these women often feel a strong responsibility for others. They strive for perfection, experience constant anxiety, and deal with feelings of guilt.

Eldest daughter syndrome isn’t a mental health condition, and it doesn’t only affect the firstborn daughter in a family. Middle and youngest daughters can experience it as well. However, eldest daughter syndrome describes a childhood experience that shapes these adults today. It arises from a number of familial and cultural factors.

Gendered assumptions often lead to women being socialised from a young age to take on caregiving roles. Eldest daughters, or only daughters, often feel torn between family expectations and their own values. This is especially true for children of immigrants, who often feel indebted to their parents’ sacrifices. Their parents may also count on them for practical and emotional support in new situations.

Families gain a lot from everyone supporting one another. But it’s a problem when children take on too many adult responsibilities. This is called parentification. This has an adverse affect on these children’s lives, health and wellbeing as adults.

Therapy can help you balance cultural and familial practices with your individual needs. It’s not about picking apart your family structure and criticising your parents. It’s about making space for your own growth and wellbeing within that structure. If you would like support with this, get in touch.