Self-criticism and perfectionism
When striving becomes a struggle
I help people who have impossibly high standards for themselves and who feel driven to ‘get it right’ often at the cost of their own ease, well-being or sense of worth. If you’re navigating the inner world of being never quite ‘enough’ or always feeling like you have to push on, you’re in the right place.
If you’re feeling unsettled, unsure, curious or quietly longing for something more aligned with who you are now, then this work may be exactly what you’re looking for.
You might be noticing…
- A persistent inner voice telling you “not good enough”, “I must do better” or “I shouldn’t feel this way”.
- A pattern of striving: setting high goals, achieving them, yet still feeling dissatisfied, exhausted or worried you’ll slip.
- Fear of mistakes, failure, or being “found out” — perhaps a worry that if you’re not perfect, you’re not worthy.
- A mismatch between outward success and inward experience: you look like you’re coping, but inside you feel pressure, shame or relentless self-doubt.
- Difficulty relaxing, letting go, being “just you” (without the mask of “perfect you”).
- A longing for self-compassion: to treat yourself as you’d treat a friend, rather than the harsh, demanding inner supervisor.
If any of this resonates, I can help.
A person-centred approach
In our time together I’ll invite you into a space of openness, kindness and acceptance. You bring your story, your inner landscape — I bring listening, reflection and support. There is no agenda to ‘fix’ you; rather, we explore together how self-criticism and perfectionism show up in your life, how they serve you, and how they limit you.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
- We start by gently noticing how you are right now — what you feel, what you think, how you live with that inner voice and the standards you’ve set for yourself.
- I listen to you as you are — with your history of striving, your beliefs about yourself, and the weariness that’s often tucked away behind achievement.
- Together we explore how self-criticism developed: maybe messages from childhood, societal/cultural pressures, early experiences of not measuring up or being valued only through performance.
- We uncover how perfectionism may have once protected you — giving you safety, praise, control — and how it may now be costing you things: peace, spontaneity, authenticity, rest.
- We connect you back to your values and to you as a person beyond your achievements and performance. Who are you when you’re not measuring up? What might you feel like when you allow yourself to be flawed, human, enough?
- Over time, you may grow in the ability to treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you might reserved for others, and you may begin to loosen the grip of always needing to be ‘better’.
Why it matters
Living under the sway of self-criticism and perfectionism is exhausting and lonely. You carry a heavy weight of expectation — often from outside, sometimes from within. Because of this, you might not allow yourself to rest, to make mistakes, to simply be. Yet beneath the striving often lies a longing for connection, for freedom, for self-acceptance.
Therapy isn’t about abandoning all standards or becoming complacent. It’s about reclaiming choice — choosing when striving serves you and when it doesn’t, choosing self-compassion instead of constant judgement, choosing to be you rather than only what you produce. In that space you discover that your worth isn’t tied to performance. You are enough — and you can live a life with less tension, more authenticity, more rest.
What clients say they gain
People I’ve worked with often say they leave feel:
- More self-aware: recognising their inner critic, understanding its role, hearing its voice less loudly.
- More self-compassionate: the ability to pause, to comfort themselves, to say ‘I’m doing my best’ instead of ‘I must do more’.
- Less caught in the endless loop of “not enough”: more able to celebrate who they are and what they’ve done.
- More relaxed with imperfection: feeling more comfortable being human, making mistakes, learning rather than being judged.
- More aligned with their values: shifting from ‘what I must do’ to ‘what matters to me, and making choices accordingly.
- More present and connected: freeing energy previously consumed by perfectionism, to live, to relate, to enjoy.
Is this for you?
If you’re constantly striving, pushing, judging yourself, and you sense that underneath there’s exhaustion, dissatisfaction, or a quiet sadness, then yes — this is for you. If you’re wondering whether you’re allowed to relax, be less perfect, make mistakes, know this: you are allowed. You are human. You matter — not because of what you achieve, but because you are.
Whether you’re coping on the surface or reaching a point where the pressure is too much, your experience matters, and you don’t have to face it alone.
Let’s begin
You don’t have to carry the weight of perfectionism by yourself. If you’re ready to explore your inner world with gentleness, clarity and honesty — to listen to your inner voice, and maybe soften it — I’d welcome hearing from you.
Contact me for our free introductory chat and let’s see how best to support you to move from never enough to just enough.